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July 4, 2023

A few years back I used to say to my friends who were single, that there was no point in thinking about ‘settling down’ if you were single. I saw it again and again, single people buying homes, developing a life in their dream location, that would be supposedly somewhere they could stay forever.  But though they were living their life in a way to make them feel settled, at the end of the day, unless they had someone to settle with, it all eventually would go pear-shaped and they’d have to move on.

What essentially happened to me was that I ended up meeting someone who also had no desire to settle down. He didn’t know it very well until he met me. One would think it would be the absolute opposite. If you meet someone who is your soul mate, that means you would naturally want to settle down, but it was more about settling down with that person rather than a place. We were two souls who were definitely united, but constantly moving.

The dynamic of the soul mate should not be about just uniting as one and standing still, in fact what I discovered was that if the two of you were truly meant to be, there should be something inside your world that just would not be still. Something that was constantly active, call it a flicker of excitement or a small element of uncertainty, it just has to be there because it makes the two of you constantly be at work with it, and at the same time at peace with it.

To be in a state of ‘settling down’ for many is still about finding like-minded people who you have a chemistry with, plus also wanting to stay in the same place as you too. That’s understandable. But there are a whole new batch of couples emerging who don’t need a location, they just need to be with each other. The world is their location.

This wonderful essence of the predictable unpredictable is nowadays something that is rarely discussed, yet it is that glue that not only binds you together, but always offers that element of excitement, mystery and unknown that keeps the flicker of light alive in any relationship.

These days a lot of young people just aren’t buying houses, getting drivers licenses or even getting married/having children like they used to. But they are still falling for each other and having long term love affairs that take them on a whole new journey. Is this the new modern day ‘settling down’?

The essence of ‘settling down’ in the past was always about no more looking for a partner, you have one now, no more traveling the world, you now are looking to make a nest, build a home, and no more thinking only of yourself, but building a family to carry on the blood. But if there are no homes being bought and children being born, this then begs the question, what is the modern-day ‘settling-down’ really all about?

Take a moment today to think about what your sense of ‘settling down’ is? Where do you fall? And what kind of impact long term will this shift of ‘settling down’ behaviour have on our future world.

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