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July 4, 2023

Sadly ladies, this is true.

However, that is not necessarily all men, and thankfully there are a growing number of men who love to meet intelligent interesting women that they are attracted to and have a desire to partner up with. However, unfortunately this is not the majority at this point.

This puts both men and women in a difficult situation. If fundamentally we are supposed to match up with each other, as women become increasingly educated, both men and women’s chances of finding a suitable partner start diminishing rapidly.

But why is this. The data shows that still to this day a man is primarily driven by sexual attraction to find a partner, and his ability to be a provider for that person and the family. This is literally hard-wired in him and will not change. For obvious reasons, no man can get an erection if he isn’t physically attracted to the woman he is with and as a result, he will not be able to procreate, and carry on the human species. Plus if he is the primary breadwinner in the family, that gives him more status and acceptability in his mind. It makes absolute sense.

Women on the other hand are in a tough spot. She is competing with all the women out there who are slimmer, more beautiful, sexier and less educated than them. This puts additional pressure on her to constantly be dieting, going to the gym, getting liposuction or face lifts and so on. Who would have thought that all the money her parents spent on getting her college education should have been put into full time nutritionists, personal trainers and cosmetic surgery!

The dilemma here is of course, we know that men shouldn’t just focus on the body of the woman, she has a mind too and the truly successful relationships that last 50+ years show this to be true. At the same time the women shouldn’t just focus on the men being a bottomless bank account, and start realising all the other values a man has are important too, e.g. value system, kindness, understanding, companionship and of course sexual chemistry too.

But the world is changing. Women are looking for a meeting of minds or more, in a man, and men are ‘supposed to be’ looking for equality in their relationship on all fronts.  But are they?

Research is showing unfortunately modern masculinity has taken a big hit in the last decade, and men are more often than not suffering from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and many more mental disorders, all being a product of living in this stressful world today. To take another blow, men are also suffering from not being able to find a partner, which has got to be the ultimate ‘below the belt’ hit! This, at the same time, contributes to increasing levels of depression, anxiety, low self esteem and loneliness. Men, to put it lightly, are actually today in a very bad way, and no one seems to know what to do about it.

Yes, fortunately these days, there are plenty of counsellors, therapists and men’s groups. These are important and integral to the management of the modern man’s dilemma. But these do tend to be more of a ‘female’ approach to handling situations…talking about your feelings, learning how to share and help with other men’s emotional problems. I’m not knocking this, but it does beg the question, what happened to the man of yesterday who was strong, powerful, who could handle his feelings, never cry or doubt, who could leap a building in a single bound, and sort out all situations effortlessly?  The quiet silent type who got things done!  This may well be a fantasy but it gave a masculine-ideal men could latch onto so they had a direction.

So what is the masculine ideal today? Should men still focus on getting the pretty girl down the street? Or has this all got way too hard for him now? So, what is he striving for now? 

My feeling is that men today are often lost. They are not in a bad enough way to seek counselling, nor are they in a good enough way for it not to worry them. As this ‘lack of finding a suitable partner’ epidemic continues to grow amongst men, women are becoming increasingly educated, deciding to manage their own finances and handle all things by themselves, as they too can’t find a partner. This only escalates the problem for men as well.

Research also cites that men do actually prefer blondes as they appear more youthful and fertile. Whether of course that is true or not is another question. But men do tend to feel that. This ultimately shows that men are looking for someone who will be physically capable of delivering children as well as being eternally looking less worldly than them. A basic premise that helps men feel stronger and more in control both physically and financially. These are very important parts of the ‘old world’ masculinity.

I think somehow there needs to be a new direction for male masculinity, so that they are still fulfilling their biological desires and yet moving with the times to get a better chance of getting a modern day mate.

The population of the world is in a state of decline in the developed world. What is going to happen in 50-100 years is anyone’s guess.

Would love to know your opinion on this too. Please comment below and let’s start a discussion.

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